Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Keep it in the Bedroom: Part II

One comment from a reader was, "And the floodgates have opened" in response to the many postings, news stories and editorials concerning a certain Canadian Radio personality and his sexual practices.  As a blogger I strive to start discussion, raise debate and perhaps even provoke.  My main point in the article concerning Jian was my fear that our activities in the bedroom (between consensual and legal aged) partners is the cause for a loss of a career.  I am aware that Mr. Ghomeshi came "clean" so to speak and confided in his employers, was this their only solution for damage control?

The other people involved in this circus are the alleged victims, and in a truly democratic process, until proof is presented beyond a reasonable doubt, they are alleged, not confirmed.  I have read your comments, other responses by fellow writers out in the blogging community and on various online media outlets.  After digesting all of it this is what I want:

1.   I want women, if they are abused and not consenting to their partners sexual wishes or any type of mistreatment of any kind, to be brave and have the ability to report their abuse. (and be aware of the supports available to them).

2.  I want the democratic process to be alive and well in my country.   The media and the community at large have already "thrown" Jian under the bus, is it our right to do that?

3.  I want sexual freedom for practice among consenting adults, respecting each other's differences and needs.

4.   I want less judgement and more reflection from all of us on this planet.

My two cents, xo vagi

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Keep It In The Bedroom

Radio Personality and Canadian King of pop culture and all things hip, Jian Ghomeshi won't be entertaining us with his smooth, sultry voice across the airwaves.   It appears that his idea of foreplay does not involve the typical romantic setting and massage oil, he gets it going with whips instead.  His sex life caused him to be fired by CBC.  This lends to some interesting debate.

As a woman and a feminist I do not condone the acts of dominance and violence between the sheets.  Do I think sex involves the loving glances and seemingly calm climaxes as we see on film?  No,  I prefer a good hearty bang over roses and chocolates - just no whips please.

Are my sexual preferences anyone's business? Certainly not.  The only people involved should be my partner and my girlfriends as we occasionally brag about a hot night over wine (yes, women talk sex and more freely then men among friends).  More than once we claim our orgasms the previous night were on the "Top Ten" list, or regale a fun weekend of hotel sex with our partners away from kids and life.

So poor Jian, his dirty laundry literally was very, very dirty.  Does that make him subject to a career in ruin, reputation marred and livelihood at risk?  Shouldn't we ask if he was a good person, did he care about his family, was he a respectful interviewer and host for all those years?    Does his appetite for deviant sex make him a villain or a victim?  And why now? If he has practiced his sexual life in this manner, why do his partners feel compelled to come forward to the public?  If he truly led them to his chamber of horror without any consent, why did they not charge him? 

I don't believe any employer has a right to invade your private parts, Jian's are on full display now.
The victim in this media circus is difficult to identify, however I would rather hold onto my rights for privacy in my bedroom.

Think about it, xo vagi.




Friday, September 26, 2014

A Home, Not a House

A house has bricks or siding, windows and doors; a home has people and memories.  I find myself reflecting upon the differences of house and home as I am selling my "home" for a move to a new city and a new country.  I have never  been sentimental about "things" but this house has been home for over seven years and it is rich in experiences. 


Friends gathered

Holidays celebrated


Pets basked in the sun


Children cooked

Kids moved off to college

Halloween goblins readied to trick or treat!

I look forward for our new adventure and we will create another "home."  For the next family in our home, I hope they continue what this home has been for so many. It is not just a house.

xo vagi

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Having Coffee

September 11, 2001 evokes a multitude of memories and emotions for many.  For me, it was a first date. That particular date has continued thirteen years later, and has flourished through career changes, children (both existing and newly developed), geographical moves and strong personalities.  It has never been an easy path nor one taken for granted.

That day I remember clearly in finite detail, as to where I was, whom I was with and even precise time frames.  It was and still is a moment in time when we all stopped.  We huddled around televisions, we embraced, we called loved ones and we reflected.  I had a date.

I spoke to my date prior to our scheduled meeting time and place, and I don't remember who initiated the call.  We confirmed regardless of the circumstances, we were still "on."  I do remember the place, the coffee and the conversation.

I always feel humble and thankful when September 11th nears, not due to my date experience and its longevity, but due to my own existence and ability to articulate that.

On this September 11th just appreciate.

xo vagi

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Time

The week leading up to my birthday is not an easy one for me.  It conjures up a multitude of emotions and memories (both good and bad) from my life.  I think of my birth-mother and her struggles and sadness to carry a baby to term, give birth and make that selfless decision to let her go.  As a "love child" of the 1960's I understand that options and societal pressures were not in support of single motherhood.

The other woman in my life, who took over and nurtured me gave her last breath on July 9, 1996.  I was with her, holding her hand and telling her it was ok.  My birthday is July 10th, and I play out those frantic last few days in my mother's life, it is on continual rewind.   That day in July 1996 is surreal to me, it is almost as if time stood still.

 Persistance of Memory - S. Dali

I struggle to appreciate and value my time.  I think as women we have this underlying fault in the ability to say no to others needs and requests.  In both my professional and personal life, I need to learn to put aside some time for me, make a "self-care" appointment.  This blog is my therapy, my time, my voice and it is on a virtual checklist of "Things to make time for."  Dali's painting visually represents how I feel most days - the struggle for time and balance.

Make your list of "Things to make time for," and work on checking them off.  I will let you know my progress.  Stay well my readers! xo vagi


Thursday, June 12, 2014

Fuck the Thigh Gap Part II - Lisa & Kate

Back in January I shared an article from a fabulous online kick-ass feminist blog: www.vagendamagazine.com, it is my "go to" for feeding my radical feminist soul.  Sophie Miskiw, in her article outlined the history of female body obsessions spurred by her own struggle with skinny pants and thigh gaps.   Here is the Lisa and Kate version.

Kate Upton
 Lisa "Vagi" 

Kate and I have much in common.  Beach loving blondes, decent cleavage and the same taste in sunglasses. My Ray Bans are prescription bifocals - I doubt hers are, but that is ok.  Kate has been titled the "World's Top Supermodel, " I have not - that is where our gap starts.  I don't know Kate, never met her, my only contact is when I flip the page of a glossy magazine and her image appears.

Does Kate wake up in the morning and stress about her "thigh gap," I am sure she does.  Do I wake up and worry about my "thigh gap," Fuck no! I am happy with the slight rubbing when I walk.  I am a forty-seven year old woman and my thighs are just the way they should be.

If you read Sophie's article, she highlights some of the ridiculous contraptions women wore to be the "ideal."
My question is who decided what that ideal should be? Who or what was the catalyst for the media explosion of the space between our legs?

Love your thighs ladies and everything else, and I hope Kate does too,
xo vagi

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Sisters

I have siblings, five to be exact (to my knowledge).  I was raised with an older brother, we are only eighteen months apart and I "met" the other four in my mid-thirties.  As a "love-child" of the sixties, my mother was "sent" away to give birth, and during that era I was among the many to wait for my "forever" home.  I have no malice or resentment and truly appreciate the options a single mother had in the 1960's.  My adoptive parents chose the typical pair:   one boy, one girl, so no sisters in my life growing up.


My story is obviously not the "Brady Brunch," but it is certainly not the tragedy that one may think.  In my thirties I met my "Birth Mother" and the other four of my combined brothers and sisters, and yes, we are (myself included) three girls.  I am "Marcia" and love being the older and pretend to be the wiser.

A few weeks ago my youngest sister graduated with her Masters from a very prestigious University, and we all celebrated - gathering together from various places to be proud and be together.  The result of which I am short one "broken-in" jean jacket and a perfect cocktail dress - sisters are a pain in the ass, they just help themselves to your stuff!  I would not change a thing.

Sisters are all around us - blood or no blood.  Anyone else need to "borrow" a dress?

Love to all my sisters,
xoxo vagi

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Avoiding the Bitch Label


In my work life I run a small community based Arts organization that comes with quite the cast of characters, all of whom I need to motivate, mentor and manage. I am not good with confrontation or discipline and avoid at all costs being the "hard nosed" boss type. My partner, also a Director (but software, same title, salary scale on a different spectrum) has a clear black and white approach, to simply "get rid" of those who negatively affect the culture of the office.

It made me pause and reflect on the reality that if a male supervisor takes the no-nonsense approach, he is respected and mostly feared. An equal approach by a female counterpart is more than likely to get labelled a bitch.

Well, I am avoiding that label - for better or worse and instead developed my Office Manifesto. It is based on everything we learn at age six: share, be nice, help your friends and clean up your mess. All you bitches out there are welcome to use it!
Be good, xo vagi


A definite "B"

Office Manifesto

  1. Share:  ideas, reflections, reactions & experiences
  2. Do not judge, just show understanding
  3. Be kind to those who are in our space
  4. Help a newcomer (if you cannot, offer a solution)
  5. Have a sense of humour (but not at someone’s expense)


Respecting Space

  1. Dispose of cups, food containers, apple cores at the end of each day in outdoor garbage bins.
  2. Arrange your “work” neatly at the end of each day
  3. If you need to have a discussion, do not disturb others who are concentrating on their work
  4. Fridge “clean out” every Friday
  5. Empty recycle bins when they are full


Staff & Volunteers

  1. Listen to each others needs
  2. Speak up if you are not satisfied with a situation, do not let it fester
  3. Work together toward a common goal, understand that we all work differently (having earbuds in, does not mean someone is not engaged in their tasks)
  4. Have fun, get out and engage over coffee, arrange an office lunch potluck, walk the boardwalk together
  5. Be proud of what you do, and represent the organization professionally and courteously

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Modern Woman Inspiration

This spoken word and video piece was inspired from various mediums, one was my first blog article.  As a writer, this very humbling.  View and please comment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFdQ54PSjLw

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Lice, Lust & Life

I ended my work day today with a lovely conversation with my local Business Professional Women Association.  I have the esteemed honour to be the local "Woman of the Week" for International Women's Day celebrations.  My interview was honest and forthcoming, as I aim to be in my everyday life, and while I was humbled, I was also proud.

My pedestal of perceived greatness did not last long.  A quick text from my middle son's Autism Worker/Tuesday after school caregiver/dog nail clipper technician- led me down the reality path - LICE.

Products purchased, rinsing began, combing and holding back my urge to retch.  Laundry commenced immediately and stuffed animals were stashed outside in the cold to freeze the little bastards laying eggs on the collection of "Pooh" bears.   My "911 call" was to my dear friend who has dealt with this issue prior, and helped me last year with my other offspring.  She assured me that my technique was correct and made a date to come help me the next day to get rid of the rest of the nasty buggers.  Then the dog pisses on the floor.

Washer spinning, dryer on scorch and finally settling down to a blessed gift of leftovers, with my "non-nit" infested nine year old (going on 29 apparently) and he decides that it is time for the sex talk.  I look around for the hidden cameras, none.  My partner and father to my children is conveniently on a business trip - it is a conspiracy.  The questions continue and I am happy for the open dialogue, just have not ingested enough wine to be creative and have no back-up.  I go for the "erect penis inserting into the vagina" and it works, as the  "erect penis" comment has him changing the subject.  I do confirm with him that I am pleased we can be open about sexuality and that he can ask me anything, then I pour a glass of wine.

Stay strong, stay true, and keep a sense of humour.
xo vagi


Monday, February 17, 2014

An issue about a Rainbow

Rainbows have been a focus in my community and the global community as well, check out what I have to say about them in my other blog!

http://thepurplenote.blogspot.ca/

Thank you, xo vagi

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Fuck the Thigh Gap!

As a blogger I regularly follow a few fellow "feminist" blogging "partners in crime!"
Check this one out, and wait for my further examination into our twisted world of the female body image.

http://vagendamag.blogspot.com/2014/01/womens-body-obsessions-throughout-ages.html

xo vagi