1989

I went back to my posting from last December 6th - I shared a picture of some of my dear friends from the 80's and we are all still kicking around.  How lucky we are.

We  continue to witness horrific acts on the news, not much has changed.    The women in Montreal on Dec 6th 1989 were never given the chance to complete their lives - so my dear readers - make a difference with yours.

Don't put off, don't say "someday" or "I should do that."  Live your life and appreciate each breathe, I know I do.  xo vagi

A Day to Remember

Today I remember the woman who adopted me, raised me and taught me that I could do anything.
She stressed my need to be independent, to get an education and to make my own way.
She encouraged me, challenged me and we did not always agree.
Even at those times of conflict, she stood by me.
I miss her.

Happy Birthday Priscilla - today we will raise our glasses to you.
(November 23, 1933 - July 9, 1996)

What did Betty do?

Musings from a Modern Woman

I must confess, that I am having a bit of a whining session (without the wine), and had one of those days where I was pulled in every direction and did not even leave the house until 7pm! (activities ranged from sick boy at home, to plunging a toilet & ordering merchandise for business).  It got me thinking about the women around me and what whirls around in that constant head-space of "what do I need to do next?"   Which led me to the question, What did Betty do?

The "Betty"

Perfect pose, well manicured and the image of the perfect housewife.  Some days I feel the urge to pretend it is 1950, pour that martini, light a cigarette and lounge in my pencil skirt and heels.  Betty, may of had the looks and the housekeeper, she did not have her freedom.

I will trade my stress & struggles for my ability to guide my life and take it where I want it to go.  I want a partner, not to be someone's wife.  I also want to learn that I don't have to do everything, that taking the time to pretend it is 1962 and put up your heels is ok.

So all those Modern wonderful women out there - it is martini time (or tea time)!  xo Vagi

One Year Anniversary of Vagi

End of Summer!

I have been blogging for over a year and 2,500 of you have visited, some commented and some of you have become followers.  I wanted to share some of my favourite moments from this past year.   It is shocking the twists and turns that occur in our lives over those 365 days.  So take a moment today and give yourself credit for all that you have accomplished this past year!  xo vagi

Fear

"There is nothing to fear, but fear itself"  Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1933

When Roosevelt gave his Presidential Inaugural address at the height of the depression, fear translated to the state of the economy, or rather lack of one.  We all have fears, some rational (fire) or irrational (spiders).  I want to applaud my son, Aidan who conquered his fear of characters in costume - check out the picture below.  All smiles now that once would of been tears & screams.  As a parent we ingrain fear in our children with constant warnings:  don't talk to strangers, stay away from the stove - all for their safety and well-being.  Does that make them less able to conquer fears and ride that two-wheeler or ski down a hill?  I don't have the answers, I am just proud that I conquered my fear this summer and drove over the Mackinac Bridge (sweaty and white knuckled), but I did it.

September

Ah, the breath of fresh and crisp air that signals that time of year when schedules and routines replace lazy, hazy summer days.  I love to write and express my views and opinions and the true test of my lack of discipline is evident by my last published blog date of July 29th!  As much as I have loved the realization that noon had struck and we were all still in pj's - I am relieved to have the alarm set and the coffee pre-set for the early am wake up.

So what I have accomplished since the end of July?  Here is the list - read it, get inspired or uninspired

1.  Cleaned out my basement
2.  Read 3 chick-lit books:  The Help, The Paris Wife, Sarah's Key
3.  Volunteered...some more
4.  Got intoxicated and did a face plant on a dance floor (hint, long dress & flat flip flop sandals, not a good mix)
5.  Grieved the loss of a best-friend's parent
6.  Made pancakes many times
7.  Threw a party for my husband's birthday
8.  Enjoyed a traditional Danish lunch with good friends
9.  Made a new friend
10.  Got 3 kids ready for school
11.  Put my house up for sale & got it ready for public view
12.  Wrote this list

Do what is important to you - what really matters.   Don't sweat those days when all you accomplish is getting dressed - we need them.

peace out all & always love,
vagi xo

Where Have All The Feminists Gone?

This lovely group of ladies are diverse in marital status, age, bra size...many ways in which we are "measured," but we are all strong, smart, dedicated and value our rights as modern women.

We came together to celebrate my birthday a few weeks ago, and conversations flowed as freely as the wine was poured:  politics, children, lipstick, lost loves.  The one point that brought us all together was the fear that our young girls are more concerned about the latest princess doll than exercising their freedoms.

We  are not the first to be concerned that the generation that follows us has overly sexualized role models and that, for many young woman, they are judged by the size of their ass, not the expanse of their intellect.  Women will always be perceived by appearance first, and most often our toughest critics are ourselves.  I love all the trappings of being a woman, but at the end, I would rather be remembered and respected by what comes out of my mouth, not how it looked.

One point was worthy and insightful, and as a mother of three sons I take it very seriously.  Is it up to the mothers of daughters to make them proud and independent or is it up to me to raise boys who respect women for their contributions and not their appearance?  Perhaps both, what do you think?

Birthday Reflections

Well, another year has passed and another year older.  I think about time a lot more lately, due to how quickly it flies by and how I wish sometimes it could stop.  A chat with a friend brought forth the subject of time, and his lack of "free" time.  He stated three obvious points:

• You can't buy it
• You can never get it back
• You don't know how much you've got

It is not a commodity listed on any stock exchanges.  It cannot be measured - it is our most precious belonging, but it cannot be ordered online or found at any store.  I have always filled up my schedule, with work, volunteering, social commitments.  Slowly, I am learning to respect my time and choose who and what I use up my time with. 

I hope that my next birthday message will be filled with stories of what I did, or maybe that I took the time to do nothing and just enjoy those around me.

Peace and love all and thank you for the birthday love & wishes! xo vagi

Turn the Lights Off Again Please!

Last Tuesday evening a wonderful thing happened in my city, we had a power outage.  It lasted from 4 pm to about 9:30 pm and while many, I am sure were frantic about cancellations, I appreciated the "time out."  No technology, no washing machine, no electrical current to power televisions or video games - we had to amuse ourselves.  I sat on my front porch and read, my boys played on the front lawn and I watched neighbours walking hand in hand, because there was nothing else to do.  Pure Bliss.

It is true that a 5 1/2 power interruption in the dead of winter would not of been so fabulous, but on this late spring evening, it forced us stop for a moment and engage with each other.  My street was serene, you could not hear stereos or televisions humming in the background, just the leaves rustling.   I could hear the smacking of my boy's shoes as they ran across the damp grass.

But, it was short-lived and I am back to board commitments, meetings, laundry and yet, I yearn for that "time out" again.  As someone who has always done too much, I am realizing that it lacks to bring any meaning to my life.  Like many women in this era, we continually aim higher, but why?  And at what cost.

I yearn to find balance and leave you with an excerpt from my favourite poet, Yeats as he describes a place of peace and serenity in "The Lake Isle of Innisfree"

I will rise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

My we all find our place and listen to the bees buzzing.  xo vagi

Gimme, Gimme Always Gets (then wants more)!

I was listening to CBC Radio this morning, as I do every morning to prepare me for the day and was intrigued by one interview this early dawn.   Don't ask me which show or who hosted, no clue, but the author answering the questions peaked my interest before my second gulp of java.

Naylor, pointed out over the radio waves how North American society has become the "Have's and the Want-More's."  He really stressed our desire and demand to continually consume.  When are we fulfilled?  When it is enough?  I don't know if anyone has the answer.  Naylor admitted to being more or less a pessimist most of time, but a good bottle of organic wine had the power to force optimism upon him. (my kind of guy)

I have not read the book yet, but I will.  It made me reflect upon my own consumer needs.  That finite list of "I wants" that starts while we are tots.  Does my weakness for designer hand-bags make me less of a person?  Should I shrug the ads in magazines convincing me that I will improve in some way if I have what they are selling?  I admit I like stuff, just like everybody else.  But, I guess the question is, do we really need it and what is it doing to our existence?  Think about it, if anyone reads Naylor's book, let me know what you think.  peace and love my friends xo vagi

Seventeen vs Forty-three

Do we ever really know what we want?  We live in a society that plays a constant yearning for more in the background, a steady hum in our ears.  My son will be eighteen in September and is spending a year with his grandparents in the UK - initially, he loved being back to the "English way of life"  and out of our Northern Ontario town, then changed his mind.  He wanted to return to his previous easy existence with no underground or crowds to maneuver.  So the plan was put into place and we are anticipating his pending arrival back home.

Wait, maybe not.  Like many of us we question our decisions and wonder if we are making the right one.  Sometimes having too many options makes the process a very difficult one.  At forty-three I question my next move, next career, next challenge.  I love change and it fuels me.  But, we still need to consider those around us and their needs - that makes us a woman, a wife and a mother.

I gave my son a deadline, June 1st to decide where he feels he needs to be and to carefully consult his dreams and goals, both long and short term.  We can never be sure, but the journey should be thoughtful and honest.     Enjoy your travels today and tomorrow!  peace & love, vagi

Aidan and Nelly

For some of my friends and followers, you know that I have an 8 yr. old son with Autism.  It certainly comes with it constant challenges, but also comes with the occasional suprising and wonderous moments.

Aidan is in grade two and his class visited a local Retirement Home today and he met someone.  The note in his communication book just merely stated to ask him about Nelly.  So I did.

Nelly, according to Aidan is a senior citizen, and like most senior citizens, has wrinkles on her face.  She was born in 1925 and is 86 years old and is his new best friend.

 WOW! 

He knows her room number, her birthday and she has children and grandchildren.  He wants to visit her again.  And we will.

It is moments like this one, that takes your breath away.  He is rarely invited to birthday parties, does not ask to make "play dates" with his classmates, but something in this woman drew him in.  Nelly, in my opinion, must be very special and I cannot wait to meet all her wrinkles.

I wish all of you a moment like this one.  Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's, caregivers and those of you who nurture a young person (or maybe an old one) peace & love, vagi.  

Easter 1992

April 19, 1992 was Easter and the first official "holiday" I spent away from family and friends.  I was literally alone that day, no glazed ham or pastel foil covered chocolate confection to gobble.  Well, I worked that day and escorted a few hundred children and their families through the theatre I worked at to enjoy the delights of "Polkaroo and Friends," later to clean up their empty popcorn bags and drink containers. All I could think about was missing the pain-in-the-ass dinner that I always complained about, and how lonely I was.

Tonight I got the table ready for brunch:  champagne flutes, chocolate bunnies for kids, linen napkins, good china - all for a few hours tomorrow morning.  I even pulled out the ceramic bunnies and filled over 50 plastic eggs and hid them in various corners,  and loved every moment.

I need holidays, I need friends& family, I need tradition.  

Easter always reminds me of a dear friend, Granny Bonnie who never failed to cook a "ham and a lamb" and made the best scalloped potatoes I have ever eaten (pure cream).  Papa "T", her husband would always be the most excited and marvel not just in the meal, but the company.  This Easter will be our first without Papa "T' who we lost last June, I treasure every ham & lamb dinner I got to share with him; and if you know someone who has no where to spend tomorrow, invite them.  Regardless of race or religion, it is wonderful to know you are welcome to share in a celebration,  Happy Easter & to those to whom I am a bit late, Happy Passover.  xo vagi

Made in France

"Only Hermes scarves allowed," should be across the headlines in France today.  I have mixed feelings regarding the ruling in France that makes the wearing of the niqab and burka illegal.  Women who "hide" their face can be charged and fined, or have to enroll in a "socialization" course.  Others who force a woman to wear the traditional Islamic headgear face heavier fines and possible jail time.  France's Interior Minister, Claude Gueant supported the ruling stating it demonstrated the,  "Principle of secularism and equality of men and women."  Authorities were careful with their words and do not mention men or women in the law, just the crime of hiding one's face.

Isn't it just reverse discrimination?  

As a North American  woman I  reflect on the traditional clothing and headcoverings, and to me, they are an insult to my Muslim sisters, to me, it reflects on their lack of control or power of their own lives.  But, who am I to judge?  Is it our place to force them to disregard their tradition?  I struggle with this one, I applaud women who choose to wear it in France and fight the ruling, but I would feel better if I firmly believed it was always their choice to make.  

What is your opinion on this one?  Let me know, peace & love, vagi 

Syrup, Strangers & Stupidity

Sunday Morning at the Pancake Breakfast

I live in a Northern community that is blessed with the time honoured tradition of turning maple sap into the most amazing golden liquid - the real stuff, no mass production of caramel coloured sugar stickiness pretending to be pure maple goodness.  And, like most parents of young children, I followed tradition and trucked them off to one of many "All you can eat" pancake breakfasts.  Some are at local legions, church halls, and we picked the local conservation area and supported the local chapter of the Kiwanis Club, who was hosting and fundraising. 

The irony of the day was the reaction of one of the patrons to my 8 yr. old son, who has Autism.  I am used to the glances, and sometimes stares, but today I was blindsided by a comment, that really did not fit with the theme of supporting local children's charities. 

The hall was packed with long tables and benches not giving much "leg-room" and Aidan really struggles to remain seated,  and squirms and wiggles like a worm struggling to escape from its hole.  I did not notice that he was pressing his feet against the gentlemen behind us (I was paying attention to pancakes and syrup and juice in front).  He was clearly annoyed, and when cleared away and leaving - looked directly at me said, "There is something wrong with that kid," and sauntered away. 

I let it go - I did not even mention it to anyone.  My disgust is not only with this ignorant asshole, but with myself for not confronting him.  I call myself an advocate, but I let my son down today by not defending him.  It was one of the moments when I felt small and defenceless - I hope I find the strength, when it happens again (and it will) to stand up to the bully and shout. 

peace and love all, vagi xo

Things I Don't Make Time For

1.  Time with myself - to read, to exercise, to nap
2.  Reading with my children
3.  Cooking with my husband
4.  Having tea with my friends (who need a shoulder or an ear)
5.  Writing letters to family/friends out of town
6.  Walking the dogs
7.  Composing poetry
8.  Buying the newspaper and reading it cover to cover on the weekends
9.  Swimming lessons (almost 44, still can't float, I just sink)
10.  Learning another language

What does your list look like?  Share please!
Love to all, vagi xo

The Woman I Celebrate Today!

Amanda, Nicole and our Woman of Honour, Judy!

Tomorrow is March 8th and is the 100th Anniversary of International Women`s Day.  I am blessed to have many wonderful women in my life, young and old who motivate me, challenge me and care for me.  One person who has been a steady light in my life is my cousin Judy pictured above with her two daughters.  Judy was given the task of babysitting me when I was young and continued to always feel responsibility for my well-being.  My path led me away from our home-town and we lived apart for many years, but always together in our hearts.  

Judy is a quiet soul who always seeks out the good in people.  She is generous and kind and does not expect or want any recognition for this.  She is devoted and dedicated to her family, her friends and, in my mind deserves a certificate to frame on her wall - 

Judy - Good Person, True Friend, Honest Neighbour

We don`t issue awards or certificates for leading a compassionate life - Judy, you win my award for Woman of the Year.  xo vagi

Bullies

An example of a bully

The word "bully" is a noun, adjective and verb.  It describes, it is an action and a person.  As women, some of us have been bullied all of our lives, by men and by other women. Bullying happens at home, at workplaces and in society.  I applaud those who have risen above the bully and are fighting back.

This is for the many  from Egypt to Libya, Yemen and beyond,  who have had enough, I applaud all of you!

Let's all hope for peace. xo Vagi 

Random Travels

As I write this, I am sitting at an airport waiting with my fellow travelers for the final voyage home.  We all share the frustration of delays in arriving to our final destination - but so many of us remain silent and do not engage with each other.  I think this is a missed opportunity.

Today I have met,

• Two young & very sweet couples waiting to get back to home to from their vacations in Mexico

• An American gentleman, (who previously lived in Canada and around the globe) and shares the childcare duties of his 18 month granddaughter

• A rural Principal, waiting to fly to Saskatoon, who had a whirl-wind trip overseas and was excited to take her students at Easter break to share an equal European experience

• An airline clerk determined that I could leap immigration/customs in one bound and make my connection (pure fantasy)

Maybe as a woman I am less intimidating, more open, welcome with my responses -  my life is better today with the people I met.  I may never meet them again, but it confirms to me that our world is a good place due to the proof from the people I  met today.  peace & love all, vagi xo

Spring Tease

That first day of  drips from the roof-top ice makes me full of  anticipation for the boots to come off and the sandals to come out of hiding.  Each season brings hope for new opportunities, renewed passions and changing attitudes.
While the sun and warmth will not last and another blast of winter is still to come - I take today and fill my soul with hope and promise.  Remove the mood of winter and wake up from hibernation - engage, enlighten and enjoy!
peace & love, vagi 

Valentines Day

This morning opened with my downstairs heating not cooperating and on top of that I served my husband breakfast in bed - he was pretty fuckin' nervous (um, what unusual things are coming next), and I don't blame him.  Cupid is arriving shortly as I write this with his drooping diaper and false promises - so what do I do?  Be honest is my thought.

Life takes us and we never really anticipate fully what might happen next.  Sometimes good, sometimes bad, and more than often our results hit the "ok" button.  We cannot always control what will occur, just accept the fact that it is happening and we can only do our best.

So for the Feb 14th celebrators - cupid may not appear, no roses or chocolates - but be happy that you are breathing and smiling and that someone loves you.  It might not be this year, but it might next year.  Stay positive all my wonderful ladies wanting some sign on Valentine's Day - if they don't - they are not smart enough to have you! xo vagi

The Mouse, Social Media & Robbie Burns

Ode to the Mouse

I had a mouse in my house last week and it created more comments on my facebook page than I have ever seen.  Living in a 100 year old brick house with stone basement is not going to shield the wee rodents from attempting to move in from the cold.  I got suggestions of enticements to set the traps, inquiries about the status of the little creature, and it shocked me what topics we relate of our day to day life receive attention.

I took care of the little sucker with the best death-trap that I could find at the hardware store and upon recommendation by a fellow actor and friend bought the deluxe version - they were worth the $5.99 each. (Thanks Vernon!)

My youngest son, Owen, had another plan to rid the mouse from our main floor laundry room (his hideout) and set up his "Mousetrap" game, complete with cardboard cheese cut-outs to save his little friend from my plan.  From a 6 yr old perspective, mice are cute and let's just consider his point of "mouse" reference:  Stuart Little, Tutter (Bear in the Big Blue House) and even ol' Mickey Mouse.  They wear clothes, can talk and are quite charming creatures.  I don't hold such illusions of the mouse clan.  When there is one, many follow.  They get into the walls, build nests and basically can infest my old place in no time.  

When I put him in the plastic bag (double-bag) trap and all - I gladly tied it and put it directly in the cold, dark garbage can.  Maybe I should respect all the creatures of the land, but I would do it over again.  Robbie Burns, had a much different opinion and had sympathy for the plight of the mouse - read the passage below.

Maybe the message is that we need to care more for those weaker than us - I still don't like the rodent population and even Burns cannot sway me.  xo Vagi

 From "To A Mouse" by Robert Burns

I'm truly sorry Man's dominion
Has broken Nature's social union,
An' justifies that ill opinion,
Which makes thee startle,
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,
An' fellow-mortal!

Giving Back & Why?

I have been absent from my blog and apologize to my readers - sometimes the inspiration takes time and I don't want to write just for the sake of writing.  Writing is very solitary and it is difficult to gauge if you are connecting with the reader, so feedback is very important to all writers.  I got some last night and it inspired me to write today.  My friend, Erik commented on my New Year blog, Reflection, Resolution & Motivation.  I questioned my need to help others, and after endless years of volunteering,  I  continue to do it because I can.  Erik is someone I really love and respect and was touched when he commented that the world needs more people like me.  I don't think I am out of the ordinary, and I believe we all give in our own ways.

Volunteers also suffer from burn-out and we need to approach volunteers in the same way as you would an employee.  They need direction and support and even sometimes criticism.  I currently volunteer with two organizations (board positions), working on a third,  and have begun taking my lovely ten year old yellow lab to the local Soup Kitchen in Sault Ste. Marie, ON.   I will confess that at times I do get tired and would rather be sitting at home sipping a glass of wine and reading a book - but I will have time for that someday.

If you have any interest in Canadian stats on Volunteering go to:  www.givingnadvolunteering.ca

Give me your comments - why do you volunteer or don't

What motivates you?  email:  vezeau1067@gmail.com

I will post them on the next blog!

I want to wish three wonderful ladies a happy birthday - all of whom give me so much and I could not imagine not having them in my life!  Judy (Feb 1st), Sophia (Feb 3rd) and Annelise (Feb 7th) Cheers to you girls!
xo Vagi

Paycheque vs Principle

I think we have at sometime in our lives, done a job that we really hate.  Those teenage years of take-out, fast-food, deep-fryers or handling a reception desk when you just get your BA (and all you want to shout is "Hey, I have a University degree and the only job I can get is answering phones!).  I think those early career moments in our lives teach us so many skills:  handling difficult people, multi-tasking, being part of a team, satisfaction of finishing your shift, and the happiness of payday.

At some point, is the paycheque worth the sacrifice?

After the years of struggle, when we finally reach our potential - are we any happier?  Do we have a right to challenge, to want more, to lead, to question those in authority?  As women do we feel that we can?

The fear of losing is the biggest obstacle in communicating what we need, what we demand, 

what we deserve.

We cannot always put our principles before our paycheque - many of us have mortgages and children and bills to pay.  But at some point we can create change to make our workplace what we desire.  I think at times I miss those early jobs - the work wasn't always the greatest, but we did it together and had a good time after the shift was over.  

Good luck everyone! xo Vagi

No Paris Hilton Please!

Friends for 20 + years!

I have never been a regular follower of popular TV shows - but I do recall from the occasional peek into online gossip sites that Paris Hilton had a show based on contestants competing for the coveted title of her "BFF."  Really?   I hope the message to society was that money does not buy you happiness.  Paris has tons of money, vast wardrobe, staff, and yet, needs to televise her quest for a female soul mate.  It only confirms that true friends outlast the latest fashions and stick together through the years.

We do change and evolve as women and some of our girls stay with us and some are lost through the years.  I am at the age where I value the women that surround me - they are strong and bright and beautiful.  They support me when I make the right decisions and criticize when I don't.  They remind me that I don't have to do it all and that a little tummy bulge is a reminder of the three children I bore.  They hold me when I cry and join me in celebration.  They don't hesitate when the phone rings.

Cherish your friends - and welcome new women into your life, they may need a new wonderful friend just like you, even Paris.   xo Vagi

New Year Reflections from a Modern Woman

Reflection, Resolution & Motivation