Girls

 

Our Golden Girls

 

Our sexy and independent

 

Our searching and discovering

 

We all need our "girls," our posse of women whom we grow with, rely upon, disagree with and discover ourselves.  The definition of posse is "a body of men, typically armed, summoned by a sheriff to enforce the law.". Well, I would not want to tangle with any posse that I have been involved with, and we are only armed with sharp wit and perhaps a high heel or two!

 

My posse includes new friends and old (in age and number of years together), and family, and are those rare confidants that remain a part of your life no matter as to geography or frequency of contact.  Some I see often, others might be only a fleeting "like" on Facebook or a twitter feed.  I believe that our posse stays with us, even with our evolving lives.  We may lose some along the way, and that is ok, but that true connection of support and caring stays with us. 

 

Our media understands that rare combination of unconditional friendship and togetherness - it is proven through our years of television and displayed with these separate groups of four - all of whom came to our screens in differing generations. 

 

Embrace your sisters - your posse.  I am lucky to have some many of you! xo vagi

What Makes A Modern Marriage?

I don't have the magic ingredients to mix and create a successful union.  I am a three time "offender" down the marital aisle.  I joke that the third was the charm, and thirteen years later we still like to hang out together, have sex, and share both our triumphs and failures.  Is it "perfect?"  Fuck no.

Lisa "Vagi" and #3 (March 30, 2002)

 

 

A friend and blog "addict" sent me a link to Food Blogger, Phyllis Grant's, "Dash and Bella" that relates cooking and life adventures with her two children.  Her post from February of this year, "I Know a Mama Who," put reality on screen of what I suspected as our current condition of  "Modern Moms and Wives.". 

http://dashandbella.blogspot.ca/2015/02/i-know-mama-who_23.html

 

It is honest and provoking and is the contributions of ten women and 100's of emails exchanged.  While I could connect with their "confessions" it left me still wondering; how do marriages survive in our modern age?

 

My partner and I are both driven, opinionated, stubborn and independent.  How the hell have we managed to keep our shit together for thirteen years?  Those years were busy - two kids (to add to the one that I brought with me), five houses, three cities, two countries and a few jobs in the mix.  We hit our rocky patch (Titanic in disaster) a few years ago, and separation was the main course served most evenings.   

 

It is very difficult when you really don't like the one you are with, to bring yourself back to that day of promise and hope and love.  It is almost impossible to think that you can do it alone, we agreed to counselling.  We were lucky to have someone that "reconnected" us and led us back to that day in March of 2002.  You have to let ego and ambition go and let yourself be vulnerable to the other person - not an easy feat in our times.

 

I hear my mother constantly in my head, "Never count on a man." She never finished high school, did not have the opportunity for higher education and was a very dedicated wife and mother.  I don't think she ever had the life she really wanted.  Those words made me strong and very apprehensive to completely "let myself go" into love and relationships.  That inability to have a complete loss of self is what all of us in modern relationships suffer from.  We cannot give in to the other person completely, without hesitation and fear. 

 

While I don't believe I can give a valid opinion as to what caused our "wrinkle" to smooth out and continue our journey together as a couple.   I can reflect on how our society functions today and that our sense of entitlement and perfection needs to cease.  We need love in our lives, we need to be valued and comforted, and that, I think are the key ingredients in this mixing bowl of modern marriage. 

 

Much love to all of you and a thank you to Phyllis Grant and her fearless contributors! xo vagi



Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder!

It Was The Sound of Their Feet, artist Aleah Chapin

 

I was perusing Facebook a few days ago - out of boredom and seeking for some inspiration, and my search was over when a "friend" shared the work of Brooklyn, NY artist, Aleah Chapin.  Her creative insights of women are both raw and real, breathtaking and boundary breaking. 

 

In the history of this blog, I address our body image very frequently.  My partner often questions my continuous exploration of this issue as perhaps an "over done" topic.  The regularity of this subject in my writing is due to the fact that women (the vast majority of us) have a completely fucked up vision of our bodies. 

 

We all view the glossy magazine front pages and I confess that I am in awe of those "cover girls." Many times, in my "inside voice," I uttered a wish that I looked like them.  We all are guilty of that crime.  I have yet to hear from one of the fabulous women in my life, "I want to look like just like me."

 

Chapin's work forces us to take a real look at ourselves.  Dimpled rear ends, saggy tits, round bellies are "badges of honour"  regarding our lives as mothers, as nurturers, as real women.  No "glazed ham" vagina here, her work depicts women with full bush, and I don't feel compelled to touch them up with a full Brazilian wax job.

 

Explore Chapin's work, it inspired me to worry less about the size of my ass and contemplate more about how I live my life as a woman.  www.aleahchapin.com 

 

Love yourself and your ass, xo vagi

Fifteen

The ringing in of 2015 forced me to realize how quickly the past fifteen years have passed.  I remember clearly the hysteria of 2000 complete with the Y2K myths, motivating consumers to warehouse batteries, bottles of water and withdraw cash from accounts in the fear (both real and imagined) as to the aftermath of systems switching over from 1999.

My 2000 was spent at a house party with friends and couples, some still together and others not. I was recovering from a volatile divorce, combined with fragile personal health and in a relationship that was rocky.  That year ended for me single and searching, and parenting a young lad from  my location in Canada while he was firmly planted with his father in the U.K.  I was thirty-two and not sure of who I was or who I wanted to be.

I begin 2015 in a new city, new country and new opportunities.  No longer single and searching, I know who I am, I understand my strengths and even at most times, my weaknesses.  I have been married for a dozen years, complete with two other lads to add a total of three to the mix in my litter.  Not perfect, not without twists and turns, but always challenging and fulfilling.

For the next fifteen, I have developed a list of "F" words to help guide me and motivate me to stay on path (or veer off as usually happens).  Here they are:

FAMILY:  putting them first, nurturing them, loving them and keeping them close

FRIENDS:  cherishing them (old and new), and realizing that while contact may lessen, they stay firmly placed in the heart

FEMALES:  seeking out and engaging in fabulous and amazing women who inspire me

FIFTY:  I begin 2015 at forty-seven and will end the next 15 year mark in my early sixties, I plan to celebrate my upcoming decade with vigour and perhaps some controversy

FINDING:  discover a new path, a new passion, a new cause, a place for self and wellness

FAILURE:  accepting it, understanding it

FORGIVENESS:  for people I have wronged, actions I am not proud of, and for others who have hurt me

FEMINISM:  be more brave, be less politically correct and roar!

I think we put too much emphasis on short blocks of time.  Contemplate the past fifteen and the future fifteen, then make your list. 

Stay well, stay brave and stay true and love! xo vagi